Keep it down or I'll give you a smack!

Friday, November 10, 2006

Friday 11-3

So as hard as it was to think about work I had to run through my presentation that was coming up next week. We had a couple of meetings that were set up as trial runs so that pretty much consumed my workday. But that was a good thing considering the fact that I was ready to get my goose on as soon as possible.

4:15 rolled around and Murph im’d me that Mary was going to drive us to his place after work. So off we go! We went to Murph’s place and got his bags, picked up Mr. Salty (Greg) and we were off to the airport. Check in and security was a breeze. We made our way to the D terminal and stopped off for a pre flight beverage. $17.03 for three beers? Good Lord what a scam the airport is! And the topper is that the place was jam packed with people. We had to laugh with the waitress who wasn’t too happy with an elderly couple that stiffed her. I guess they had ordered food and realized that they didn’t have enough time. So they cancelled their food but took their drinks and left. Those old people have a racket going I’m sure. “Maude it worked again. We got some more free water.”

We hung out and had a couple beers as we waited for our plane to arrive. Once it did we boarded up and made the hour flight to Chicago. We were on an Embraer jet so I was in the row of solo seats on the left side of the plane. Of course Murph took full advantage of smacking me in the head and flicking my ear like a four year old. I had to bring my laptop with me so I decided to watch Wedding Crashers for my in flight entertainment. After a beer on the plane and watching the movie it was time to make our descent. That is the beauty of flying there. It’s pretty much up and down on that flight. So we were fired up to be in Chi town. We grabbed our bags and hopped on the train to get to the HOB.

Murph checked us in and up we went. We met up with the others on the trip who had already checked in. Tom Murphy (Uptown), Steve Lessick (cowboy) and Jim Corona. (FYI…I will now refer to them as such for the rest of the story) We chit chatted a little bit as we got refreshed and ready to hit the town. Murph showed us that we had a little incentive to play for this weekend. He brought out a tray of medals that we would be given for our performance over the weekend.

First stop was to Harry Caray’s, which was just around the corner from or hotel. It was packed in there. We were trying to decide whether or not we should eat, but we knew that we wouldn’t be eating there. It would have been way to long to wait there. We busted out of there and made our way to a place called The Rockit. It was a really cool and trendy looking place. We had a couple of beers in there and admired some of the scenery that was walking around the establishment. Once we had bored of that place we noticed a pizza shop that was across the street from Rockit. We all figured that would be as good of a place as any to eat so we stopped in and ordered up a couple of pies.

The first thing that came to our attention was a couple that was putting on quite a display of public affection in the restaurant. So we had a good laugh at them for a while. Then we noticed that the guy was just blitzed out of his mind. He was stumbling around and falling all over the place. Luckily his girl was doing a pretty good job of taking care of him.

As we were waiting for our food a girl came up to our table and chatted with us for a while. She was all about Corona. The highlight had to be when she asked each of us at the table how old we all were. We went around and she was guessing for all of us. Of course she gets to Murph and drops the number 44 on him. Which is odd because I have heard that same exact number for him a couple of times. So as we are all taking our shots at him and giving him shit about it, she asks how old he really is. When he says 38 she looks right at him and says, “You should really work out more.” The table was howling! Uptown and I were falling all over each other laughing. Of course that totally ruined the night for Murph. He took it personally and he was not happy for the rest of the night. We tried to tell him to get over it and have fun but it didn’t really help too much.

After the eating dinner, we decided to jump in a cab and go to Mother’s for some fun. We split up into two cabs and were on our way. My cab was Tom and Greg, while the others were in next cab. When we got to Mother’s we scoped the place out and ordered some drinks. It was still pretty early for night life so we just hung out and talked and watched the surroundings. After we had finished our first drink we started to wonder where the other guys were. So we called then and found out that they were at Mother’s Too down the street. One half of as we started walking out they played “Sweet Home Chicago” and we decided that we didn’t want to leave our bar. So we told the boys to come down to us. After a little while longer we realized that our place was actually doing Karaoke. We saddled up to a spot at the bar and listened to the goofs singing and enjoyed our cocktails. The others finally joined up with us but we were one man down. Corona decided to call his new friend Patty from the pizza joint for a booty call. Apparently in all of the Chicago trips that Murph and friend have made that was a first time happening. So kudos goes out to Jim Corona on breaking the streak at 13 years!

After a while we met up with a couple of ladies that were hanging around the pool tables. I had built up enough courage with a few Absolut and Red Bulls to start offering billiards advice. Now I am aware that I may go down as one of the worst pool players ever but these ladies needed some help. And I just happened to be in the area. After talking to them for a while I found out that they were in town from Memphis on business (for the life of me I can not remember their names. I took notes the following morning to help remember details but I left that detail out). They had some folks they had to meet at another place but they were coming back. I gave the old, “Yeah I’m sure I will see you back here in an hour.” Lo and behold a little while later somebody came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. It was them. I was totally floored. We had a few more drinks and talked for a while.

Now besides all that the icing on top of this part of the story was that when they were playing pool I looked at their wedding ring hands and neither of them were wearing wedding rings. But upon their return both of them had rings on. Being the observant drunk horny guy that I am I called her on it. She claims that they had them on the entire time but Greg and I both said we looked and they were full of shit. We hung out with them for a while and had a lot of fun. We even tried to cheer Murph up by getting up on stage and singing Sweet Caroline. He wasn’t up for it but we had the whole place singing with us. The funniest thing that I do remember was Greg was “missing” for a minute and I asked Tom if he had seen him. He pointed up at the stage and there was Greg leading the crowd, waving his arms around. Damn funny stuff!

After Mother’s we walked down the street to Butch McGuire’s for a drink or two. By this point after a couple of shots of Patron, I know that I was pretty much gone for the rest of the evening. I didn’t have much left in my tank. So my details may be a little fuzzy. But I know we had a drink or two at Butch’s and then went next door to Flip Mc Cool’s. The only reason I even remember that one was that somebody asked me what the name of the bar we were in and I saw it on a neon sign. After that we had enough for the night and went back and crashed at the hotel.

Chicago Stakes Race Results for Night 1

Juvenile (First to Bed)

Corona (with good reason)

Shotgun (Drunkest)

Gold = Greg
Silver = Rick
Bronze = Lessick

Classic (Last to Bed)

Gold = Greg
Silver = Lessick
Bronze = Rick

Editors note: Holy shit was that a lot to write for one night of shenanigans

Saturday 11-4

I was awoken to the sounds of Santa Claus Murphy coming back from his morning trip to The American Girl store. He had loaded up his sleigh for enough toys for all of the Fairview Park area young girls. He also brought back a 12 pack of Miller Lite to fire up the troops. So we got moving and watched a little College Gameday while shaking out the cobwebs and recalling stories from the previous night while getting ready for our noon bowling appointment. We had our last horse arrive while we were getting ready. Scott McGee made the trip down from Detroit and was fired up to get things rolling.

It was now time to unveil the bowling shirts. So we all brought out our best wears and took a vote to see who would win.

I had the following shirt that I had found on e-bay

But our winner was Murph who had the following shirt

One of the funniest, or better yet, gayest things that happened all weekend was when McGee and I started with quotes from Grease 2. And we even knew the song that they sang in the movie. So we were acting out the bowling scene in our hotel room. I thought that maybe Ron and I were the only people who even remembered that movie but I guess not. I think it was rerun over and over on cable so it is engrained in my head.

We made the journey next door to10Pin bowling lounge. It was a really cool place. Not your average every day bowling alley. It was dark with some black lighting that made everything glow. The bowling balls were all glowing colors so it was pretty cool to see. We bowled three games and played our usual reindeer games. We played cards for every mark, there was horse racing on TV so we had gambling on that and of course the jester hat was around for every gutter ball. I had a hack of a second game and rolled a 205 but I had shot my load after that. Either that or the constant round of Miller Lites that were readily available on the table. I’m not sure which one to blame it on.

After bowling we were all ready for some food so we walked a few blocks over to Billy Goat Tavern, home of the famous SNL Cheezborger skit. It was hilarious to walk in there and order a burger. The guy behind the counter took one look at yours truly and yelled, “You want a triple. Eat nine and you can break the record.” I ended up ordering a double because I was hungry. But I was thinking it was going to be two burgers but it was just a larger burger. It was nothing special but it was tasty. I had thoughts of going back for more but we all knew that we were going to be meeting Brett and Carrie for dinner in a little while, so I decided against it.

We stopped at a 7-11 and picked up some more beer along with a porno mag and some candy and made it back to the hotel. We crashed for a little while in the room and watched college football and some more horse racing. Most of us took some time and rested our eyes for a while in preparation for the night’s activities.

After nap time, we all showered (not together) and got ourselves prettied up for the evening. Brett and Carrie had come over to the HOB and we met up with them in the hotel bar for a drink before heading out to dinner. Brett took us to a nice place called Five Star for dinner. It was a newer place that was pretty nice. The menu was pretty much sandwiches and burgers and it was pretty good. We had a cute waitress named Sarah that I think half of the table was hitting on while she was taking care of us. After dinner Carrie decided that she would leave the night to the boys and she left us. In her defense she is pregnant so I don’t think I can blame her. We hung out at Five Star for a while longer drinking and screwing around while deciding what our next move was going to be. Sarah brought over a round of shots from the owner. It was Old Crow whiskey. Like a dumb ass, I smelled and slammed it down. Oh my goodness. It was like drinking paint thinner. Just awful! Then I almost got nailed again when Tom and McGee decided to dump their shots in my beer as I wasn’t paying attention. I drank it and spit it right back in the glass. UGHHHH! Nasty stuff!

We moved out to the street and hailed a couple of cabs. We went to a place called The Tavern. It was an alright place. Not a whole lot going on. It was crowded but just a normal corner bar. We stayed there for a couple rounds of drinks before making the call that we needed to get a little more action going. We grabbed a couple of cabs and headed to Hangge-Uppes. If you have never been it is a fun place. They play a bunch of great music that everybody sings along and dances to. So we always seem to have a lot of fun there. We made our way downstairs and hit the dance floor. Corona and I jumped right into the mix. We started dancing with whoever was closest. He kept saying to me, “pick out a girl and we’ll pick them up.” After a while we sort of got split up from the rest of the group. I guess Corona was in the middle of the dance floor doing some sort of rooster dance. I don’t know where I was but I missed it. I guess it was hilarious.

After a while I was dancing with some girl for a minute and I wasn’t trying to hit on her or anything and her friend comes up to me and says, “She has a boyfriend.” I looked right at her and said “who gives a shit? I’m just having fun.” I said this last year, but why is there always one bitch in every group of girls. Last year we were having fun with a bachelorette party when some dirty bird came and ruined everything.

We hung out there for a long time, dancing the night away. After a while I noticed that it was just Greg and I left. Everybody else had vanished. We had buddied up with a group of ladies that was dancing around. One chick had grabbed my hand and danced with me for a while so I was game to see what was happening. She wasn’t a knock out or anything but we had fun dancing. So we hung and danced the night away. A little while later Mc Gee re-appeared. So the 3 men left standing danced for a while longer. We all realized that the ladies here were fading out on us so we said our goodbyes and decided to make our way to a new locale.

We hopped in a cab and Greg suggested the Red Head Piano bar. I had been there on another trip and I really didn’t care where we went at this point. When we got there I sort of stumbled out of the cab and kind of tripped getting out. We walked up to the door and the doorman said that he saw me stumble out of the cab and that I wasn’t welcome in their bar. Well now, there is a first! Sir you can not come in my bar. I will admit that I was drunk, but that was bullshit. And then they kind of laughed or said something about us as we walked away. I didn’t hear what they said but McGee went back and told him GFY and popped off at him. Greg and I told him it didn’t matter much to us and to let it go. The last thing we needed to do was get in a scuffle with some muscle headed bouncers so we walked away.

We were close to the Rock N Roll McDonald’s so we decided to grab a bite and sober up a little bit. So we stopped in and ate a burger to cool down a little bit. That place always cracks me up. You see all shapes and sizes in McDonald’s at 2 in the morning.

After eating we decided we were done for the night. WE flagged down a cab and made it back to the HOB. As we rode up the elevator and got off on our floor, I again stumbled and walked down the hall to our room. I turned and said the line of the trip to McGee, “You know that doorman may have been on to something.” We just lost it. We walked into the hotel room with no regard for the sleeping beauties that were in the rooms. The three of us were giggling and throwing pillows at each other seeing who would try and stay up later than the others. Greg grabbed a blanket and pillow and made a spot on the floor so it was down to me and McGee. I ended the suspense when I said, “I will happily take 2nd place.” And I dove into bed and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

ND/Chicago Classic results


Steve Lessick


Gold = Rick

Silver = McGee
Bronze = Greg


Gold = McGee
Silver = Rick
Bronze = Greg

Sunday 11-5

Sunday morning bright and early, Corona had to get to the airport for an early morning flight home. God love him. I don’t know how he got up and made it to the airport.

We awoke and discussed all of the stories that had happened after we split up. We recalled my quote form the night before. Everybody agreed that if I was not getting let into bars I had to be the hands down winner of the drunkest. So we all decided on the prizes from the night before. Good times. From all of my singing and dancing the night before had no voice whatsoever. More good times! I felt like a champion. We all got cleaned up and got into a couple of cabs and made our way to O’Hare.

In my infinite wisdom, when we booked these flights to Chicago, I had made my own reservations but Murph had given me the details on his flight. Being an avid traveler with a non photographic memory, I made my reservations and thought we were all traveling together. But alas, I was on a different flight than the others. I went and checked into my flight and saw there were open seats on the earlier flight so I bumped myself to their flight. Security was pretty light on a Sunday morning. Once we were all through we were ready for some food but the restaurants were jam packed. We settled for McDonald’s. I ordered up a 1/4 pounder meal and the biggest Diet Coke they had. And why the hell was I still sweating? After we ate Tommy mentioned something about going to the President’s club. I said what the hell, I had never been. Maybe the hair of the dog thing would work for me. We walked in and looked for the bar but I guess they don’t start serving liquor until 1:00pm on Sundays. So we grabbed some mints and made it back with the rest of the lowlifes on the outside world. We went to our gate and waited for our flight. Once we boarded I was in the last row of the plane. I took the opportunity and crashed for half of the flight home.

I came home and turned on some football games and slept on and off for most of the evening. I woke up and watched most of the Brownies game against the Chargers. I was just a lazy slug for most of the night. The worst part was that I had to unpack my bags and re-pack them because I was driving to Cincy on Monday. I finally got around to it about 10:30 on Sunday night. It’s a wonder that I didn’t forget anything for my trip.

So that is the Chicago trip for 2006. I think most of the details are there. I am sure I left something out but I think I covered most of the good stuff. Hope you enjoyed the read!

Gene Gene the Dancing Machine


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