Keep it down or I'll give you a smack!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Weekend at Jimmy's

How 'bout them cowboys???

Time for some of the not so famous Friday picks. We started off in the hole but I’m looking to have a nice comeback week and climb back to respectability. Plus I am thinking about it and I’m going with the excuse of it’s only week 2 and everybody in the NFL is shuffling lines around so we’re not quite sure where everybody is just yet. Things will shake down and teams true colors will begin to show.
Buffalo @ Miami –6
Daunte Culpepper burned me in week 1, he shall pay.
Carolina @ Minnesota +2
Vikings just aren’t that good. Carolina Def will shut them down.
Cleveland @ Cincinnati –10
I think 10 is too many points. For some reason, the Browns play good in Cincy. Let’s just hope we don’t se 85 dancing too much.
Detroit @ Chicago –8
Houston @ Indianapolis –14
I would like to order 4 TD passes to Reggie Wayne for some fantasy love, please.
New Orleans @ Green Bay +2
Thanks for the memories Brett Favre.
NY Giants @ Philadelphia –3
Kind of a toss up in my eyes. I‘m going with home cooking
Oakland @ Baltimore –12
12, 22 or 32…The Raiders are a mess. I know Simmons ran it in the ground but Art Shell is comical to watch. He doesn’t move and he doesn’t’ speak. Amazing to watch
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta –5.5
Bounce back week for the Bucos. They are better than they showed.
Arizona @ Seattle –7
Might be a shoot out. Hawks will be able to stop the Cards in the end.
St Louis @ San Francisco +3
Bulger is going to put up some numbers this week.
Kansas City @ Denver –10
No QB for the Chiefs. Even Jake Plummer should be able to beat them.
New England @ NY Jets +6
Pats will run all over the J-E-T-S
Tennessee @ San Diego –12
This one could be ugly. LT may score 50 fantasy points
Washington @ Dallas –6
Statement game for Bledsoe. He has to play better than he did last week.
Pittsburgh @ Jacksonville +1.5
Even though Big Ben may be playing, I like the Shaguars.
Last week 7-9
YTD 7-9

Kellen Winslow Doesn't Eat Honey, He Chews Bees

Some fun facts about Kellen Winslow:

--Life doesn't give Kellen Winslow lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.

--Kellen Winslow's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools with Kellen Winslow.

--If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Kellen Winslow says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

--Kellen Winslow once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

--It's no use crying over spilled milk... Unless that was Kellen Winslow's milk. Oh you are so screwed.

--Kellen Winslow is the leading cause of death in NFL defensive backs.

--Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Kellen Winslow laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

--The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as Kellen Winslow.

--Kellen Winslow once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

--Kellen Winslow wasn't born, he was unleashed.

--Kellen Winslow once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

--"Simon Says" should be renamed "Kellen Winslow Says" because if Kellen Winslow says something then you better fucking do it.

--Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "<>

--When you open a can of whoop-ass, Kellen Winslow jumps out.

--When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Kellen Winslow signal.

--When Kellen Winslow pees into the wind, the wind changes direction.

--You can lead a horse to water. Kellen Winslow can make him drink.

--The Incredible Hulk once got so angry that it turned into Kellen Winslow.

--Kellen Winslow went out to the desert, and was bitten by a rattlesnake. The snake died.

--Your attraction to Kellen Winslow in no way affects your sexual orientation.

--Kellen Winslow tells Bob Barker when the price is right.

--It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Kellen Winslow."

--Kellen Winslow doesn't make threats. He makes facts.

--Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Franklin D. Roosevelt never met Kellen Winslow.

--Kellen Winslow once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Kellen Winslow'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, Bill Cowher approached the bar and asked for a Kellen Winslow. He got punched in the face.

--When Kellen Winslow turns on an Xbox the screen just says "You Win" and turns itself off again.

--G.I. Joe has Kellen Winslow action figures.

--Superman wears Kellen Winslow pajamas.

*I know it's a rip off from jack bauer but its my blog and I can blog what I want!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Lee Corso has a baby arm

In what the worldwide leader of sports is calling “Shakedown Saturday,” I figured why not put some NCAA football predictions out and see if I am as bad picking these games as I was last Sunday. Which I would have won a couple more games had I just picked out right but where is the fun in that? Without further adieu

Cincinnati at Ohio State –30
(Not one of the top match ups of the day but it is the #1 team) Sweater Vest will keep the play calling close to the sweater and have the starters pulled once they build up a lead. I also don’t think he will run up the score on his former Def coordinator. Take the points.

Michigan at Notre Dame –6.5
I am not sure which way I want this one to go. We can hope that UM and OSU are both still undefeated and possibly look for a 1 vs. 2 match up on November 18. I don't think it's going to happen though. So we will have to listen about Brady Quinn winning the Heisman and what a "genius" Charlie is for yet another week. Side Bet O/U on the time of the game 4:37. NBC, can you show more commercials please?

LSU at
Auburn –3
Gotta take the Tigers in this epic SEC battle

Nebraska at USC –19
Nice to see Nebraska talking
shit before rolling into LA this week. Yeah...That’s a good idea.

Florida at
Tennessee +3.5
Fat Phil has a lot riding on this game. Were the vols just over looking the AF academy last week and looking towards the Gators? I like that UT is a home dog. (HOMER ALERT Proceed carefully)

Miami at
Louisville –4.5
The U didn’t look so good against Free Shoes University. Their offense was offensive. And Ville still looked pretty good even after losing their stud RB.

Oklahoma at Oregon –4.5
Which of the
384 combinations of uniforms will the Ducks break out on Saturday? Oklahoma will be so confused by the colors that they will never know what hit them.

Texas Tech at
TCU +1.5
I think in battle you should always take a Horned Frog over a Red Raider. Also another home dog doesn’t hurt.

As always be safe out there, and GFY San Diego.

I’m Ron Burgandy?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

A Football Weekend Recap

OK…Lets break it down.

Friday might Ron and I went out for some after work drinks at the Hairy Buffalo. It was pretty laid back and not too crowded. So we had a few drinks and hung out. After a while we noticed Christine and Sarah walking down the street. They told us that they were on their way to Flannery’s but they decided to join us instead. We hung with them and played about $50 worth of bar games on the Megatouch machine. After we had been there for a while we decided that it was time to change locations. We made the call to head down to The Harbor Inn for some bar bowling. After 3 or 4 games we decided that it was time to get something to eat and call it a night. So we headed on home but not before a late night stop at Wendy’s for a couple of $1 chicken sandwiches.

Saturday I was supposed to golf in the finale for the Sherwin Williams golf league. We were supposed to play a scramble but the league rulers had decided to separate us into fair teams. I was awoken at 6:30am by my phone going off. I rolled over and heard that it was raining a little bit and made the decision right then that I was not going to make it golfing this morning. I felt like crap and needed more sleep. I rolled over and went back to bed. Sorry Matt! I was supposed to play in his group and I stiffed him.

After getting my needed beauty rest I was ready to sit around and listen to ESPN ramble on about football for the better part of the morning. They broke down the Ohio State v Texas game about a million times. After that I watched college football for the better part of Saturday. Ron called later in the afternoon and told me that he and Scott planned to go out to Howie’s to watch the buckeyes game. Sounded like a good plan to me. I cut my hair, showered it up and we were rolling by about 6:30pm. As I got dressed I pulled a shirt out of my closet that I had bought last year after the OSU/Texas game for $4.99. So that was tonight’s attire. Scott and Ron seemed to enjoy me walking out dressed like a dork, but as David Puddy says, “You gotta support the team!”

We stopped at a store to pick up some party supplies and of course I am getting looks because my shirt has BEAT TEXAS in bold letters and it is bright Fire Engine red. As we’re looking to grab some chips a couple of guys come down and now I am making friends in the snack aisle. They are talking up the game and saying dumb shit but I took it like a champ. I avoided all eye contact and never spoke up. Ron was mighty proud of me. Of course Scott was just giggling the entire time as I ignored them and did not consort with my new friends.

After that adventure we made it over to Howie’s place and watched the game. There was one small event that was one of the funniest things I had seen in a long time. Howie cooked up some sausages for us. Ron was over in the kitchen putting his sandwich together but when he grabbed the mustard it shot out of the tube like something you would see on TV. He quickly glanced around to see if anybody else had seen it happen. I just happened to be looking in his direction right when it squirted out. We looked at each other and just started crying with laughter. I know that it’s hard to put that in words but the look on his face was priceless. The rest of the evening was a good boys night of drinking beer, eating chips and watching football. Icing on the cake was Ohio State winning easily24-7. We shut it down relatively early because we knew Sunday was going to be a long day.

Ron picked me up right around 8am for Sunday’s party. We made a breakfast stop at McD’s to get ourselves a good base for NFL opening day.

Stupid story alert – I grabbed the change container in Ron’s truck and I had every possible combination of change ready for the lady at the window. And what is our total? $10.00 No change needed sir.

We pulled up to the tailgate spot to find Matt sitting there reading the paper with everything set up but the flag poles. That’s one of my favorite tasks is to raise the flags in the morning. Once we had all of our gear and cooler unloaded I noticed that Matt had a trophy on the table. I guess The SWGL had gotten me trophy for being the 2006 champ. So we had that to adorn our party all day.

The tailgating was its usual fun except for the fact that Murph was missing. He really should have been there, but he has his battles to fight and he will be back. For a while it was just Ron, Matt, Kurt, Kim and I hanging out and doing our usual thing. The rest of the crew was late arriving today. I think around 10:00am Tom finally showed up along with Jeff and another guy. Neil Kelly and Hiro showed up a little later and we had more stragglers as the day moved along. Matt had made some jambalaya and hurricanes in honor of the Nawlins Saints being in town. Our friend across the street Rocky had brought her famous box of Jell-O shots for our enjoyment. We also have great group of guys that tailgate next to us and they offered up some of their kabobs for us to eat as well. They have a website for their friends with maps and pictures at http://www.thebrownsboard.com/. We always seem to share some of the days’ food and drinks with them. The kabobs were quite tasty!

We made our way towards the stadium somewhere around 12:30 but not before stopping at a couple of tailgates for drinks and shots along the way. Tom and I were sitting in the Dawg Pound while Ron and Matt were on the other side of the stadium. So we split up and made it up to our seats. The game was okay. I am not going to go into great details because you can go to real websites for that kind of information.

I’ll just talk about the party where we were. We had Marko and his step son Zander sitting with us. We did have quite a few ladies that were in attendance on Sunday in our area, which is always a good thing. Having the always charming Tom Murphy in tow always seems to help as well. We talked to a couple of cuties that were sitting in front of us and found out that they had moved their season tickets and these were their new seats. Katie was a cute little red head that I was playfully flirting with for a while and dropped a “do you have a Fire Bush?” on her. She of course gave me the finger and punched me but she took the joke well. We also had another chick in front of us that had a smoking little body on her. She had the low rise jeans and a belly shirt on. It made it difficult to concentrate on the game at times as I caught myself staring down her ass crack that was hanging out of her jeans for most of the game. Of course I think her boyfriend alerted her to that fact that her ass was hanging out as she made an effort to keep it covered a little better after he clued her in.

I know I'm a perv but it makes for a better story

Ladies and Gentlemen, Kellen Winslow

Tom coming back from the pisser

Our view of the game
After the final gun we made our way back to the tailgate for some post game cocktails. Because that is what we needed. The highlight of post game had to be Tom. He was living on the edge a couple of times. When we walked back he went to hop over the guard rail and got one foot caught. If it was me I would have fallen, cut my head wide open and needed 88 stitches. But Tom regained his balance and landed like a cat on his feet. A while later we were messing around with the same nine iron that was present at the BG game last week. But now Tom has it in his hand, and mind you the lot is no where near being empty. He takes a swing with the 9 iron and blades a ball that somehow managed to miss everything completely. And to go even further he tried it again and hit the bus that was parked next to us but again avoided all damage. It was unbelievable that he didn’t cause $2500 worth of damage with his two swings. How he didn’t hit a single person or car is truly a miracle.

After that display I was wandering around the lot and talking to and drooling all over my newest friend who we called “Rock star Jen” Her boyfriend Tony works with Tom. She was a cute little co-ed that I was all over for the better part of the afternoon. It’s a wonder that Tony didn’t tell me to get away from her or just punch me out but I think that we all were in a nice frame of mind so, no harm no foul.

The traffic had all cleared out so Ron said let’s get the hell out of there so we hit the road East bound and down and we were home before 7:00pm. I checked my fantasy teams to see that I was getting killed in both leagues. (My teams suddenly look horrible!) After that I ate a little something and tried to watch some of the Manning bowl before calling it a night or passing out. I’ll let you choose which one really happened.

Monday and Tuesday at work were quite a chore. I seemed to have picked up some sort of bug over the last couple of days. And of course I needed to train some people as I am trying to replenish my fluids and have a sweat going for most of the day. Not Good Times!

Tuesday after work we had a party to go to. Kathleen turned 40 yesterday so Janet had planned a party at Rocky River Brewing Company. Ron and I made our way out for some dinner and drinks along with a bunch of her co-workers and friends. Since I wasn’t feeling that great to begin with it was a pretty tame night for me. I had a couple of beers and a burger. Ron was funny last night. He was in some kind of bitter mood for most of the evening. Janet and I just were watching him and laughing at him because that’s not usually his thing.

While we were there Ron had gotten a call from Steve that he was going to be at the Captains Club in Eastlake for ladies night so we decided to head back towards our side of town and meet up with the Haicster. We walked into the Captains Club to find some of Eastlake’s finest out for a hopping Tuesday night. The place was pretty much dead except for some of the people that had come out for karaoke night. We sat and talked with Steve over a couple more beers before we deciding that we had enough and heading home for the night around 11:00pm

Wednesday was a rough day for me. Like I mentioned earlier I still have some sort of bug floating around me. I had a little of the sweats again this morning along with some coughing. I was trying to do some work today and as I sat at my desk I thought I was going to be sick a couple of times. I made it thought the day and decided that I needed to put some of this out before I killed more brain cells and forgot the details even more than I already have. There may be more at some point but that is enough reading for now.
Hasta la bye bye!

Crazy College Football

OK... I have not been hiding after going 7-9 this week on all of my picks but this damn work stuff has gotten in the way of my writing time. I had a couple of quick thoughts and I will put together some of the tales from the weekend in a longer Rambling Rick post later. I came across a couple of things this morning that I wanted to share.

This week is Florida at Tennessee in college football. It’s time to bust out my “Save Carbs, Eat Gator!” T-shirt. But I was reading one of the quotes from a Florida Safety, Tony Joiner and I was a little confused.

Joiner with an odd metaphor: “We really want to get into somebody else and take their cheese. Make a sandwich in the kitchen. Ham and cheese with a little turkey, mustard and mayonnaise.”

All I can say is HUH???

And another sign of just how goofy Ohio State Football is in Columbus:
Wendy's plans burger with Ohio State theme
DUBLIN, Ohio (AP) -- Brutus Buckeye is getting his own burger.

Wendy International Inc. is planning to debut a sandwich next month named after the Ohio State University mascot. The burger -- available at 125 central Ohio restaurants -- will feature a quarter pound of beef, sweet relish, mustard relish, tomatoes, bacon, lettuce, onion and American cheese on a roll.

The company, a longtime university sports partner and scoreboard sponsor, came up with four ideas for a regional burger. The winner, which tries to reflect the experience of stadium food, was picked in a blind taste test by a dozen Ohio State staff members, band members and cheerleaders.

Those rejected included one with a sausage patty and Swiss cheese, a burger with Tabasco and blue cheese sauce and another with red jalapeno ranch sauce.

The nation's third-largest burger chain plans to add the Brutus Buckeye Burger to the menu Aug. 28 and offer it through the football season. The company also plans to offer a Fix n' Mix Frosty with mini Buckeye peanut butter and chocolate candies."

More to come...

Good to have college football back isn't it?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Kickoff 2006 - New Orleans @ Cleveland

I am tired and I had too much to drink today
but I am gonna post a couple of pictures from today:
We should hang out more...

Pose for me Ron!

Heres a general shot of our tailgate
Hot Jumbalaya for the 'Nawlins crowd
Always room for 1000 JellO shots

Here's how we rolled on the flags today

Kim and Kurt

Another home loss...FOCK!!!