Keep it down or I'll give you a smack!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

The Yutes Of America

As I walked in to work today, I decided that I wanted to stop off and pick up a tasty Asiago cheese bagel and a coffee from Panera. When I walked to the register my total came to $3.61 and I handed the kid a $20 bill. I then realized that I had 4 one-dollar bills as well so I told the kid that I would give him that instead. He then handed me back my twenty, which I put in my pocket. He was just dumbfounded and he had the money in his hand and staring blankly at the cash register. He couldn’t comprehend what just happened. He first reached into the register and handed me another $20 bill. I was Mr. Nice Guy though and gave it back to him (that effing good karma better pay off sometime soon!). I then had to tell him that I just needed 39 cents change back and went along my way.

I know that I have probably seen an e-mail or comedian telling a similar story but it was really mind blowing to see it live and in person.

A concerned senior citizen,

Wednesday, July 04, 2007



I added a bunch of the Key West Photos to my Webshots page so that if you wanna page through them you can do so at your leisure.


Also came across this and I just had to post it for my pal Scott -

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Happy Birthday Coach!

To one of the best friends a guy could have -

Happy Birthday Coach!

Key West Part 1

I know that tomrrow is July 4th and this story is quite old by now, but it had to be posted sometime. So here is the first installment of the adventures of Key West. I will continue to work on the second half of it. Also for those that went along, if you feel the need to write up more I would be more than happy to have some guest posts up in here.
Hope you enjoy some of the tales -

Tuesday 5/29

I woke up on a Tuesday morning excited as all get up because I was getting on a bird and heading south for six days! I had done my packing the night before and had my clothes laid out and ready to go. Carol drove me to meet Curt at 6:30am and we headed west to the Fyffe house. After a quick stop there we dropped off the car at Park and Ride and hopped on the shuttle over to Hopkins. We met up with the balance of our travel party, which included Ron, Shana and Scott McGee. The flight down was uneventful as we were scattered through out the full plane. I killed most of the time by listening to music and watching videos on my iPod

Once we landed in Ft. Lauderdale, we met up with Coach Ark who had flown in from North Carolina. After grabbing our bags, I hopped over to the rental car desk and got a pretty cool Toyota 4 Runner for the drive down to the Keys. The drive was pretty uneventful except for the fact that I took a wrong turn and missed the turn to get on the Florida Turnpike. We finally made our way to the Turnpike and were on our way. We touched base with the lead car and they made the call that we were going to stop for lunch in Islamorada at a restaurant appropriately named the “Islamorada Fish Company.” We drove up and down US-1 a couple of times before finally finding the place. We had a good lunch overlooking the ocean views.

After that we hit the road again and made the rest of our journey down the scenic highway crossing the Seven Mile Bridge and finally arriving in Key West sometime around 6pm. It took a little bit of time to find our house since the street that it was on had no signs but after several phone calls we finally managed to track it down. We dropped off our bags, grabbed a drink and mingled with the rest of the crew that had arrived a little bit earlier and settled into our surroundings.

Once we had figured out sleeping arrangements and freshened up, we made our way down Duval Street to take in some of the sights and figure out a place to watch the Cavaliers playoff game against the Pistons. The group split up and headed in different directions. My group was Mike, Ron and Shana. The first bar we stopped in was a place called Bourbon Street. It looked like it had a New Orleans feel to it but after taking a step inside I noticed that the walls were covered in male hot body contest posters. I had a hunch that we may have been the only straight fellas in the place. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but we quickly made a u-turn and kept on going down the road.

The next place we stumbled upon was a small bar called Rhumba’s. There was hardly any body in the place. We made ourselves at home as Coach Ark made friends with our bartender Jim. He told us that it was happy hour for well drinks and he did pour a pretty healthy drink. We hung out and watched the first half of the Cavs game and did some quality drinking.

Mike and our bartender Jim

As we sat at the bar we couldn’t help but notice that the bar across the street had some large “women” out in front trying to attract customers. Jim gave us the low down on the show that goes on across the street. After a while we knew that we had to go and get a picture taken with the ladies. We walked over and they were nice enough to pose with us. Of course the large one that had to be over 7 feet tall with her heels on felt the urge to grab my package while we posed. Who was I to argue? It’s the most action I have had in a while.

Fun with the Showgirls!

After a while at Rhumba’s we decided that we needed to see more of what Duval Street had to offer so we made our way down the street. Our next stop was at Willie T’s to watch the second half of the game on a large screen TV that was on the patio. Jim the bartender along with several members of the rest of our party also joined up with us as we hung out and had many more drinks to celebrate the Cavs win over the Pistons.

Once the game was over, most of the group made their way back to the house but Coach and I had other ideas. With Jim as our tour guide we made our way further down Duval and stopped in a few more bars. To be honest with you, I’m not even sure of all the places that we stopped at. I know that we went to Rick’s for a couple but I probably only remembered that one because of the name. Once we had enough, we parted ways with our tour guide Jim and we walked our way back home.

Wednesday 5/30

Wednesday morning was a beautiful day. Mike and I went out for a walk and stopped for some breakfast at a place called Ricky’s Blue Heaven (I like the fact that a lot of places in KW are named after me). It was a strange place that is known for the live roosters that walk through the patio while people sit and eat. You had to be careful of where you walked when making your way to your table. Breakfast was tasty and we even saw a small cock fight.

After breakfast we had to take the car back to the KW airport. Coach and I hopped in and navigated our way. It has to be the smallest airport I have ever seen. As we pulled in all of the rental car spots were full so I made another pass around before seeing a worker that was in the parking lot. I asked him where I should park the car but his English speaking skills didn’t seem to be the greatest. He mumbled something and pointed towards the terminal. Good enough, and I made another lap around the parking lot still looking for a space. As I pulled around again I saw our friend and tried to ask again here I should park this truck. Apparently, my new friend had enough of me because he said the same Spanglish phrase again and pointed towards the terminal. I couldn’t help but laugh as Coach Ark so eloquently pointed out to me that Gomez had just “jumped my ass!”

We laughed as I finally parked the car and I went inside and settled up my bill.
On our way into the terminal Gomez was sitting there catching a smoke, Coach had to bust his balls one more time and ask where the terminal was. He was very helpful and pointed it out to us. I couldn’t even look at him because I knew I would have just laughed in his face.

We took a cab ride back to the house and it was a perfect day for lounging around the pool. The group all hung out and we had a perfect pool party. Coach Ark brought out the docking station and we cranked tunes off my iPod while everybody soaked in the sun and tossed back some cocktails. It was a great day!
As the afternoon wound down, the group took shifts in getting ready to hit the town and after a while the majority of the group convened at the Seaport Harbor Walk area. Some of the group decided to go and have some food but a few of the heartier souls including myself figured that food was for suckers and kept on drinking.

My team then was Coach Ark, Scott and his friend Jim who had joined the team earlier that afternoon. We hit a couple bars as we made our way back to Duval. A highlight of that adventure was when Jim decided that he needed to sit and rest his eyes at a bar aptly named the Lazy Iguana.

Nap time for Jim

During our walk, I decided that I wanted a few pictures of me while standing by the signs for “Rick’s.” As I am posing for pictures a lady comes up to me and hands me her dog for some photos as well. It was one of those moments that Coach loves. I made the best of it and took a few pictures with the “drunk” dog.

After the photo session we met up with the rest of the gang at Irish Kevin’s. Now I will warn you that at this time I may or may not have been slightly inebriated. I may have been over served so I’m quite sure that many details will be glossed over because I may not remember all of them. Kevin’s had a guy on stage playing acoustic guitar and singing some great tunes. We had a great time singing and dancing along with the show. After a while yours truly was doing his best to get certain songs played as soon as possible. To the point where at one point the singer had to step away from the mike and tell our hero to “Shut the Fuck Up!” After that and a word from Murph that I may be getting out of control I kept my distance from the stage and tried to be on my best behavior. Now of course I still had fun but I tried to do so in the circle of my friends and not be “That Guy” ruining the show for the rest of the crowd. Once he was done singing our friend came off stage and hung out with us for a drink or two.

Details for the rest of that night were very fuzzy for me as most would expect. Looking back at the photographic evidence looks like Scott and I did some shots along with some homoerotic dancing. Got to love the digital evidence that pops up the next day. Dude, are you gay?

Once the gang made their way back home we found that Jim had fallen asleep on a chair by the pool. To have some fun with the guy Scott and Tom decided that he needed to be christened by being thrown into the pool. The video is dark and grainy but you can make some of it out.

Thursday May 31st

The weather was overcast and we were hopeful that it might clear up later in the day. After shaking out the cobwebs, we decided to take a morning walk and grab some breakfast. A group of us walked over to a beachfront restaurant that may or may not have been called “Beaches”. It was a good meal but I know that I wasn’t feeling 100% so it may have been a little bit lost on me. On the walk back we decided to stop over and see the Southernmost point monument. Coach Ark had told me no less that 40 times that he had wanted to get a picture taken there before we left town. As we arrived the monument was loaded with tourists and there was a line waiting to get pictures taken. We decided that we would stop back another time.

Before we left as I watched the people getting their pictures taken a guy that I didn’t know came walking up to me and mumbled something about not waiting to get his picture taken. He was right in my grill when he said it so I turned and looked right at him. I stone faced him and then gave him my best fake laugh right back at him. Needless to say, we all lost it. Mike, Ron and myself were crying laughing for the next five minutes like a group of schoolgirls. I know that it probably isn’t really that funny now but it may have been the funniest moment of the trip.

Half of our gang had intentions of going scuba diving on Thursday afternoon so they made their way to the boat to see if they could get out or not. The weather was really crummy that day as it was still overcast rainy and windy.

Coach and I ended up hanging around the house all afternoon and hung out at the pool soaking and catching up on things. We told stories for a couple of hours in the pool even though the weather wasn’t the best. When the early afternoon rolled around Coach and I decided that we were going to find a good happy hour and get after it for the evening and find a good spot to watch the Cavs game

Matt and Pam came back to the house when we were getting ready to leave so we asked them if they were interested in joining us, which they were. We walked up the road and made a stop at the Green Parrot for a drink. After that we found a place called Kelly’s. They had a nice outdoor patio that we found most relaxing. While we were there we discovered that they had some tasty Key Lime margaritas, which were fantastic. We also ordered some wings that were tasty. The wings had a super Jerk sauce that we all raved about.

As we hung out laughing, eating and drinking, some bird shit suddenly hit Matt. We figured that had to be good luck for the Cavs so we were ready for the game to start. We made our way back to Duval and went to a bar called Jack Flats to watch the game. It was a nice sports bar and we had a good time watching the game while eating some more appetizers.

After the first half of the game Coach and I decided to head back to Willie T’s to see if we could recapture the magic of Tuesday. It ended up being one of the greatest performances that I have ever seen as LeBron carried the Cavaliers on his back for a huge win. I’ll always remember being in Willie T’s when people talk about the amazing game that LeBron had.

Crazy enough after the game we ran into Matt and Curt walking down the street. We figured that some celebrating was in order so we made our way down Duval stopping at a few different bars before ending up at The Bull. This was about the time that Matt decided that he wanted to be one with Nature and get rid of all his clothing. Little did we know that we were one floor below that place that you really are supposed to take your clothes off but as he promised before the trip there was Matt in his full glory running around naked. Mike and I also dropped our pants for a little bit but we left our underwear on.

It was only a matter of time!

After that crazy scene we stumbled back home but we just weren’t ready to go to sleep. We made enough noise to wake some of the others that were trying to sleep. We also made a guest appearance to our friends that were sleeping on the second floor by staging a very rough re-enactment of a cross between the Ohio State and Michigan marching bands. We sang, clapped our hands and I had to have “dotted the i” at least 3 or 8 times. I’m quite sure that they were not impressed with our performance but we had some fun.

Trying my marching band skills

Now that some of the others were awake we came up with the grand plan that we needed to walk down and take some pictures at the Southernmost point. The great thing was at 3 in the morning there was no line for picture taking. Then we came up with the great idea of boosting Matt on top of the monument. It wasn’t easy but we got him up there. Got some great photos of it too!

Giving Matt a Boost!
The truly rare triple moon as seen in Key West

On the way home the gears were again grinding and we figured there would not be a better time for Matt to do his naked run down Duval. Ron and Coach took their position at the end of the road, Matt handed me his clothes and got ready to run. Right before he was ready to go, Matt turned to me and told me a key ingredient to his run. He took off his sandals and handed them to me and claimed, “I run faster without my shoes on.” He handed them to me and took off running down the street. Funny, funny stuff!
Matt's 3am Run

That is all for now...I'll keep working on the rest!